Working Life

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Dear blog,

I feel so down, so lost, so dumb. Its very much different than what I anticipated. Too many mistakes, too much disappointment, and too much loneliness. Is this the process of growing up? If it is, then it sucks. I don't really want to rant about it to people as that would make me a weak soul, which I believe I am much stronger than this. But now I am not too sure anymore. Proactive is what I need, but I think too much, worry too much, stress too much, everything is collapsing upon me. I cant eat full square meals, can't get a peaceful sleep without thinking what I am suppose to do tomorrow, without worrying about just everything. I understand that I am putting too much pressure on myself, but I can't help me. I want to be someone that people can rely on, or as aunty Florence said, the day that I leave would be because I dont want them and not they dont want me. This is gonna make me have a major break down, I need a fresh start, but my mind wont really let me. Im just drained out from everything. I cant be someone that just follow orders, but someone that knows to take the lead and do the task without being told so. Being 3 weeks old in this company, I don't know whether I have that capability yet. Going to office every single day is nightmare, and by evening, its heaven and the cycle repeats everyday. I have a long more way to go and this is not going to work if I maintain this kind of mindset........